In Motion

Phooey, where to begin?

I’m in West Virginia.

I live here now.

I have an awesome roommate, I like my house, I’m happy about the job I recently got.

I’m worried about getting comfortable when it comes to the things I want to accomplish in life, I’m worried about starting to tell myself “I have time.” or “I’m so young.”

While being interviewed for one job they mentioned the benefits that employees get after one year of working for the company.

And I found myself actually shaking my head a little, the thought of staying with one job for a whole year is impossible for me now. I stayed with Toys “R” Us in California for a year because I had a very clear goal in mind, I had my list of priorities and getting my life straight and steady while prepping to move to West Virginia was at the top of my list.

And I’m here now. And I have the things I need (except for my car, which I won’t have for a bit longer, but the bus system in Morgantown is spectacular.)

I just need to focus on pumping out any type of creative content frequently. There is a large project of mine I’m going to try to finally set in motion, which will likely require a little help from my Internet peoples.

And I’m going to work harder at selling my stuff, and painting and drawing things that might actually sell.

I have hope. I just need to remember to never tell myself, “I have time.”

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Art Hop and Other Jazz

ImageArt Hop Day 😀

 

ImageMy wall ^_^ImageImageImageTried out a blue hair streak. I’m in the process of making a documentary for my brother’s church, and before heading out for an interview with the pastor I followed an impulse. Blue hair and blue eyeshadow.

I think I’m embracing creative impulses more often. 

And I’m less terrified of taking pictures of myself and posting them online. I used to think that it would make me seem full of myself.
Now it feels like posting something I made. 

I remember when I hadn’t seen a picture of my profile in a while, perhaps 4 years. I have no idea how I managed this. But when I was 14 and saw a reflection of my profile I felt devastated. It looked totally different than what I had remembered. I didn’t recognize myself. My nose had lost it’s ‘ski slope’ quality and to me it looked huuuuuge. I thought I looked hideous.

Bagh…I feel weird typing about myself in between two pictures of myself…I wonder if I’ll read this in a few months and dislike it very much. But I’ll just go on and say what I was going to.

I think I’ve come to a place where I accept myself fully. And my appearance was the last thing I had to look at and say that I approved of. 

Besides the random blue periods (ha, blue…it’s kinda funny now because of the hair pictures…) I feel hopeful and happy, and I feel capable and proud of myself. This is the healthiest physically and mentally I’ve ever been.

I’m reminded of a piece of an essay I read once by F. Scott Fitzgerald: 

“And lastly from that period I remember riding in a taxi one afternoon between very tall buildings under a mauve and rosy sky; I began to bawl because I had everything I wanted and knew I would never be so happy again.”

I don’t feel I’m at that place, at least not yet. But I thought it was a feels-gripping bit, so I wanted to share it with you.

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I couldn’t afford a softbox for my documentary interviews, so I made one from cardboard, tissue paper, some foil, paint and cheap supplies from Home Depot.

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I felt like including this for no particular reason…this is a piece by Honore Daumier. And it makes me laugh. It’s called “Le Defenseur” and that facial expression on this woman…c’mon. Look at dat sly little face and tell me it’s not hilarious. 

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This is Kitty Outdoors indoors looking adorable.
Alright.
Carry on. 

 

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I’ve started making things a lot.
Or maybe I could have said ‘I’ve been making a lot of things.’

Fiverr has given me enough extra income to act as a second part-time job that I can do from my couch. And the fact that each order requires a piece of new creativity has sparked a desire to be creative in other ways.

(For those who don’t know, I sell letters. I coffee stain pages, wrinkle them, burn them, and I write encouraging letters using my typewriter before sealing them, wrapping them with string and sending them out.)

I’ve been going to the park and painting. I’ve always wanted to try to paint, but I never started because I thought I could feel in my gut that I wouldn’t be very good.

But then I started falling in love with art and artists. And I realized there’s a market for everyone. And no one has the authority to define what art might be.

And if there’s one thing I’ve learned from Ze Frank, it’s that one should chase that happy and hold onto it. And making things makes me happy. And I think I’m getting over my fear of people ripping my self-confidence apart. Because I know it’s awesome. Because I finally feel awesome.

And so I have been drawing, and I’ve been writing, and I’ve been painting. And I want to start molding. A few years ago for an anatomy and physiology class, to explain certain brain functions, I made a brain out of clay.

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I miss making stuff out of clay.

So I’m going to start doing that again. And very likely try to make some money from it.

As for the paintings, they aren’t pretty. I repeat: are not pretty. But each has a story, and each one is an image of one of my feelings.

This is the feeling that I am feeling many things at once, and I feel a mushy mix of emotions. When I tried to think of an emotion to show, I just thought “I feel human.”
And so the name and the piece were created.
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And this one was inspired by the feeling of being overstimulated by your environment or mental chaos, and the desire for the world to go silent as someone shouts “It’s a flying house!”

A world of stillness.
Quiet.
A world of a single moment of curious suspense.
And awe.

A smaller voice asks, “Can we build one?”

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and this little bitty one was created for a friend, it is for their sister in bootcamp in the Navy. So I painted a dress, and an arm with an anchor tattoo (friend’s idea.)

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So there’s that. Along with my letters.
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I’m also still struggling to put together the first vlog in a series I’d like to do. We’ll see. This is going to be an excellent year. ^_^