My wall ^_^Tried out a blue hair streak. I’m in the process of making a documentary for my brother’s church, and before heading out for an interview with the pastor I followed an impulse. Blue hair and blue eyeshadow.
I think I’m embracing creative impulses more often.
And I’m less terrified of taking pictures of myself and posting them online. I used to think that it would make me seem full of myself.
Now it feels like posting something I made.
I remember when I hadn’t seen a picture of my profile in a while, perhaps 4 years. I have no idea how I managed this. But when I was 14 and saw a reflection of my profile I felt devastated. It looked totally different than what I had remembered. I didn’t recognize myself. My nose had lost it’s ‘ski slope’ quality and to me it looked huuuuuge. I thought I looked hideous.
Bagh…I feel weird typing about myself in between two pictures of myself…I wonder if I’ll read this in a few months and dislike it very much. But I’ll just go on and say what I was going to.
I think I’ve come to a place where I accept myself fully. And my appearance was the last thing I had to look at and say that I approved of.
Besides the random blue periods (ha, blue…it’s kinda funny now because of the hair pictures…) I feel hopeful and happy, and I feel capable and proud of myself. This is the healthiest physically and mentally I’ve ever been.
I’m reminded of a piece of an essay I read once by F. Scott Fitzgerald:
“And lastly from that period I remember riding in a taxi one afternoon between very tall buildings under a mauve and rosy sky; I began to bawl because I had everything I wanted and knew I would never be so happy again.”
I don’t feel I’m at that place, at least not yet. But I thought it was a feels-gripping bit, so I wanted to share it with you.
I couldn’t afford a softbox for my documentary interviews, so I made one from cardboard, tissue paper, some foil, paint and cheap supplies from Home Depot.
I felt like including this for no particular reason…this is a piece by Honore Daumier. And it makes me laugh. It’s called “Le Defenseur” and that facial expression on this woman…c’mon. Look at dat sly little face and tell me it’s not hilarious.
This is Kitty Outdoors indoors looking adorable.